Not Everything Means Something
One of the most important lessons I learned in my 40s was this:
Not everything means something.
It sounds simple, but it changed my life.
For years, I suffered more from the stories I told myself than from the actual events themselves.
A delayed text meant rejection.
A mistake meant failure.
A disagreement meant the relationship was in trouble.
A quiet season meant I was falling behind.
Without realizing it, I had become incredibly skilled at filling in the blanks.
The human brain is remarkably good at creating meaning. In many ways, that's what it was designed to do. We look for patterns. We try to predict outcomes. We search for explanations that help us feel safe and prepared.
The problem is that sometimes we create certainty where none exists.
We assume.
We interpret.
We decide what something means before we actually know.
And then we react to our interpretation rather than to reality.
Looking back, I can see how much unnecessary suffering came from this habit.
I wasn't reacting to what had happened.
I was reacting to what I believed it meant.
Someone taking longer than usual to respond wasn't actually the problem. The problem was the story I created about why they hadn't responded.
A setback wasn't necessarily devastating. The suffering came from deciding it meant I would never succeed.
A difficult season wasn't proof that I was failing. It was simply a difficult season.
Over time, I began asking myself a different question whenever I noticed myself spiraling:
What do I actually know for certain?
Not what I fear.
Not what I assume.
Not what I imagine.
What do I actually know?
That question has brought me more peace than almost anything else.
Because most of the time, the answer is surprisingly simple.
I know the text hasn't been answered yet.
I know the meeting didn't go the way I hoped.
I know I'm feeling disappointed.
I know this situation is uncomfortable.
But beyond that?
Much of what I'm worrying about is speculation.
And speculation is not the same thing as truth.
This doesn't mean we ignore our feelings.
Our feelings matter.
They often contain valuable information.
But feelings are not facts, and assumptions are not evidence.
Learning to separate what is happening from what I think is happening has been one of the most powerful practices of my adult life.
It has reduced anxiety.
It has improved relationships.
It has helped me make better decisions.
And perhaps most importantly, it has allowed me to experience life as it is instead of constantly reacting to stories that may not even be true.
These days, when I catch myself assigning meaning too quickly, I pause.
I breathe.
And I ask myself:
What do I actually know for certain?
More often than not, that question brings me back to solid ground.
Because not everything means something.
And sometimes the greatest peace comes from allowing things to simply be what they are.
About the Author
Deidré Dickens is a coach, writer, and creator of the Bracing → Steadiness framework.
She helps women in midlife move from survival mode to steadiness so they can feel calm, confident, and fully alive again.
Drawing from her own experience rebuilding after prolonged stress, as well as more than two decades in the health and wellness field, Deidré's work focuses on helping women understand what happens when the body learns survival - and how to create the conditions for genuine restoration.
Based in Toronto, she writes about stress, self-trust, emotional wellbeing, and the journey of rebuilding a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
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Many women spend years looking capable on the outside while privately feeling tense, exhausted, and stuck in survival mode.
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